[closed post: shadow and bone]

[ravkanwitch]

Nina is back in the library but with a different task in mind today. She has a couple books on weaponry spread out on the table in front of her this time and she's flipping through them idly, glancing at some designs. Weapons have never been her forte; who needs them when all you need to do is think and squeeze a hand and be able to incapacitate a man that way? But death - death is more fickle than life. She can't just defend herself with the concept of death, especially in a place that seems to lack it. No bodies to control, no graves with secrets to collect. She needs something more substantial.

And yet, it's a slow process. She finds herself distracted, thinking about the day of visitors. Seeing Kaz Brekker in the flesh again. Liu Mingyan. Speaking with Baghra about the Darkling. She's thinking about the long, long life that must have led to lead him to who he is now. She's not necessarily sad, just -- pensive. Lost in thought.

Comments

[sagramore]

"He's-- I've thought of him as someone who keeps to himself, I suppose. Did he seem well?" His tone is complicated -- hopeful, cautious, a bit wistful.

[ravkanwitch]

She frowns slightly at the tone. "He seemed well to me. We talked about the differences between the small sciences -- Grisha abilities -- and his channeling, and... and about this place being a second chance. An escape."

[sagramore]

Sagramore nods. "He's-- someone I care about a great deal, but-- he-- I worry." It's probably the most tongue-tied she's ever seen him; generally he doesn't ever stumble over his words like this.

[ravkanwitch]

She puts her hand on his arm, slightly worried at this point. "What happened?"

[sagramore]

"Christ," in tones of disgust. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be an idiot about it. I just-- we were lovers, and I left him. But I worry about him, I worry about whether he's all right and whether he's lonely and whether-- if anything happened to him, I don't know that there's anyone he could look to for help, and I-- I worry."

[ravkanwitch]

"You're not being an idiot," Nina says, gently. "I think-- he seemed subdued, but that might just be his personality. He told me that he had done wrong things for wrong reasons and I told that I hope his time here becomes less of a trial soon."

[sagramore]

"Dost think he-- thinkst thou he regretted what he'd done?"

[ravkanwitch]

It takes her a while to think back to that conversation and exactly what Asmodean had said. She wonders if she should have asked what he did, if only to judge his reaction and if he would tell her or not. "I think he deeply regrets what it's caused," is all she can finally say.

[sagramore]

He nods, not trying not to look disappointed. "My thanks."

[ravkanwitch]

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you otherwise," Nina says softly. Sagramore said I left him and now it's dawning on her the possibility of why -- coupled with the truth event a while back. "Is what he did truly that terrible?"

[sagramore]

Sagramore hesitates. He hates the idea of influencing anyone against Asmodean, as much as he hates that everything he's said about Mordred has made Laertes despise him. The theme of second chances here hasn't been lost on him. On the other hand, he's already said enough to Nina for her to draw her own conclusions, and she's been forthright with him about Aleksander.

"Yes," he says finally. "It was."

[ravkanwitch]

Nina nods, thinking about the same parallels that he is. "I hope you can make peace with it, whatever that looks like," is all she says. "I can try and check in with him if I see him again..."

She's made her peace with Aleksander's presence for the most part, ignoring him when she can. The difference is that Asmodean has already done whatever these deeds are. Aleksander has done some terrible things, if the legends of the Darkling are true, but his most terrible deeds are only potential at the moment.

[sagramore]

"I don't believe thou canst endanger thyself in being cordial, except that thou couldst come to the same grief I have, in loving a man thou knowst hath done things thou canst only hate." He begins folding his gown, mostly so he has something to do with his hands. "But if he needs help-- it would not go ill if he had someone he could speak to, besides Nightingale."

[ravkanwitch]

"I've already done that," she reminds him gently. "Everything that Matthias did up until he met me was reprehensible. Hateful. He most likely caused the death of hundreds of Grisha, even though he thought that some of them were getting fair trials. But-- I think it's different than your Asmodean because it was part of a larger system. He didn't know any different. He was brainwashed. ...Still, if in the short time we had together, I had decided to leave him, I think I'd also worry about him daily. Think about him hourly."

"I'll try and talk to him more," she promises him, in a much lighter tone. "You know that making new friends is difficult for me... but for you, anything."

[sagramore]

"He was--" His heart aches. He could argue that there was a larger system, that Asmodean was bent under the weight of unreasonable expectations, that even he might have sold his soul if some dark lord had offered him the freedom from his worst fears. But that's an excuse. Asmodean made his own choices. "If he had wronged me it would be one thing. I can't forgive him on behalf of the people he hurt." He lets out a slow sigh, and then smiles at her lighter voice. "Thou art the best of women."

[ravkanwitch]

"Flatterer," she says, with a laugh, but she easily accepts the compliment.

[sagramore]

Another, slightly stronger smile. "Thou thinkst well of thyself? --I don't say it to censure thee, only I have not the skill of it."

[ravkanwitch]

"I'd like to think I know my faults," Nina says, thoughtfully. "I'm too loud and overbearing sometimes... too secretive sometimes... impatient, emotional, and easily distracted. Stubborn. But if people want to compliment me with true compliments, that's their right and I might as well enjoy it." She gives him a little shrug. "Does it bother you when people compliment you?"

[sagramore]

He laughs. "It does. Worse when it's someone I know well, or someone whose good opinion matters a great deal to me. It's worst with Laertes, I suppose predictably. I have asked a few people to pay me compliments, just to try and get the measure of it."

[ravkanwitch]

"Do you want me to try?" She offers, trying to not look mischievous.

[sagramore]

"Oh, Christ-- Well, try, it'll be a suitable penance for something I've done wrong, I'm sure."

[ravkanwitch]

Nina clears her throat pre-emptively, takes his hands, and looks him straight in the eyes. "Sagramore, you are one of the kindest and most charming people that I know. Even being in your presence gives me joy. You've gotten me through some of my toughest times and I hope you know how lucky your friends are to know and to have you as a friend."

[sagramore]

He winces, and by the end of it he's looking down. "Lady, anyone would be thy friend, thou art a joy--"

[ravkanwitch]

"Thank you for the compliments, Nina," she says, the most gentlest of teasing.

[sagramore]

Sagramore flushes. "My thanks, for thy kind and sincere words."