ravkanwitch | [[open post and announcement: no mourners, no funerals]]

[[open post and announcement: no mourners, no funerals]]

[cw: discussion of death!]

Nina knows that word of Shen Yuan's death has been slowly spreading. She tried to put out a general warning of danger right after it happened... but she's not sure how many people were warned by it. She wasn't in the right mind at the time, after all. This time, she's more careful and collected. With SecUnit's help, she's alerted and gathered everyone who's interested for an important announcement in the lobby of the mansion. Despite all appearances of bossiness and stubbornness - all quite true - Nina has never been in charge of anything so serious. Kaz, Zoya, and the King himself; she followed their lead. As people slowly begin to gather and she attempts to compose herself, she wonders why she decided to put herself up to this.

Deep breath, Zenik. Pretend that - well, that this is pretend. She's back in the orphanage as the official greeter, making an important announcement to all the other children. She's the governor of a small town, making sure that all the citizens are aware and prepared. It does have to be her, after all. She's playing a crucial role in everything. She also doesn't want anyone else to carry the emotional load.

"Hi," she tells everyone gathered, trying to paste on a somber but not-too-morose expression. "Thanks for coming. I'm sure some of you have heard part of this announcement already and I'm sorry that it took so long to pass this information onto everyone else... but there was an incident not too long ago. We're not sure what caused it, whether it was the house or whether it was an individual, but... Shen Yuan is dead." There's most likely a reaction at this point and Nina forges onwards as confidently as she can, pitching her voice above the hubbub.

"But there is a way that he can return. We're sure of it. We're just trying to figure out the details, which might take a while. If you want to know more about that, you can ask Magnus, but I'm not sure how much he can tell you. Also, if you encounter any signs of Shen Yuan's spirit, you can talk to--" Here she meets Aleksander's eyes almost instinctively; this line of conversation is something she's purposefully kept from him. "You can talk to myself. Or... to Lan Wangji. ...That's all. Thank you."

A confident start but slightly deflated by her last few sentences, Nina steps back and allows for conversation to happen. If anyone would like to speak to her, she's looking much less strained and grim than she has in a while.

[[Feel free to post a single comment reaction and/or start a thread with Nina in the comments!]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"It would have made thy power greater?" Like Aleksander.

"That's what it does," Nina nods. She can guess what he's thinking about, though, and she frowns slightly. "It's not like an amplifier. Amplifiers are a more natural enhancement of a Grisha's ability. This is unnatural and it... allows us to do things we normally wouldn't be able to do. A Tidemaker can normally control water but after taking the parem, I've seen them be able to change the phase of their own body. They were able to turn into gas and travel across the room like that."

"Doth it harm thee, to hold such power? And doth it change thy thoughts or thy mood, as cannabis does? How quickly does it wear off?"

Nina summons the strength to tell Sagramore the truth, since it could potentially be a difficult truth for him. She also doesn't want to seem like a stupid teenager, not having thought through all the risks before declaring that she wants to do something. She thought about it. She just thought that the risks were worth it. She swallows once, twice, before she can get it out.

"I battled my way through addiction to recover. I... I threatened Matthias to get another dose of it. But-- that was without the antidote."

He's grateful that he isn't looking at her. She doesn't need to see the expression on his face and think he's patronizing her, or, worse, overreacting, as she clearly has in the past. It's just the word addiction, and what that means to him -- he knows how entirely he would abase himself for a drink if none were permitted, and the idea of Nina experiencing that is gut-wrenching.

Nina can guess that Sagramore has some sort an addiction to alcohol, of course, especially after the encounter in the hallway -- but she doesn't know the depths of it. "I was lucky," she continues. "Most Grisha don't recover without the antidote. That's how both the Fjerdan and the Shu Han military tried to gain control over us, through the parem. But ever since David created and tested the antidote, we've been able to save a lot of people."

"How does the antidote work? Does it remove the consequences of the addiction? The addiction itself?"

"It takes a lot more raw plant and processing to produce... but the effects are immediate." Kuwei and David wouldn't steer them wrong. She suddenly thinks back to her arrival and fervently hopes that the Grisha women she discovered in the factory, drugged by the Well Mother, ended up receiving the antidote and could find some recovery and peace.

"And thou hast the antidote? Or no?"

Quietly, "Lan Wangji has both."

"And yet he wouldn't give them to thee. Dost thou know why?"

Nina feels a twinge of stubbornness at that question and for a second she thinks that Sagramore is treating her like a child, asking her if she's learned her moral lesson from the experience -- but she takes a deep breath. He's just trying to understand what she went through, asking as a friend both to her and Lan Wangji.

"I'm not sure," she says honestly, unaware that he was close to being swayed and of the brief flash of uncertainty that crossed her face.

"I'm not scolding thee," he says, misunderstanding. "It's just we both know Lan Wangji. If he didn't think it safe, even with the antidote, I'm with him. Thou hast been risked enough."

Nina's heart drops slightly at this response but it's not as if she expected Sagramore to say "Nina, you are so brave and courageous for this; I agree with you and support you wholeheartedly". It was a difficult decision but she still stands by it. If she was more like Kaz, if she had blocked off her heart to everything and everyone, especially after Matthias, she would argue with Sagramore. She could say something cutting, tell him At least I don't give up on my friends -- but she's so tired.

"It does sound a bit like you're scolding me," she says, in a disappointed tone. "I'm not a child anymore, Sagramore. I haven't been one for a long time."

Sagramore pours the hot chocolate into a mug and brings it to her. "I know thou art not. But thou hast been giving of thine own body for a long time. If there's another way, I wouldn't have this fall on thee. And-- Lan Wangji has these things because thou gavest them to him, does he not? I don't think this place conjured thy drug to put it solely in his hands. There was a reason, once thou hadst it, that thou gavest it to a man not easily swayed."

Nina takes the mug of hot chocolate with a grateful look and also meets him in the middle, conversationally. "I did give him the parem because I knew he would be logical and ...and also somewhat ruthless," she allows. "Kaz held it the first time. I couldn't even ask him because I already knew the answer. I just didn't think--" Her sentence drops off. She didn't think someone would actually die, or that it would be Shen Yuan.

"Hast thou done it before, then?" softly. "Awoken the dead?"

"Awoken, yes. Right before I came here," she tells him; this answer is easy. "I let them take their revenge on the woman who had caused their deaths. Brought someone back, though-- I--" She winces slightly. "Matthias. But I couldn't, not fully. It-- Inej was there and she told me to let him go."

"Dost thou think thou couldst do it here, or dost thou think it would make of Shen Yuan what it did of thy Matthias?"

She shakes her head firmly. "No. It would work. There's a hard limit to the Small Sciences, to what Grisha can do. I think jurda parem lifts that limit and brings it closer to... to magic."

Sagramore has doubts -- if it didn't work with Matthias, who Nina loved so much, who she anchored to goodness and change, what's different enough to make it work for Shen Yuan? If Nina believes the antidote would erase all the effects of the parem, why give both to Lan Wangji?

But he doesn't think it will help her right now to hear, so instead he says, "I'm sorry, dear heart."

"Thank you," Nina says quietly, taking another sip of the hot chocolate, a little relieved that the questions have stopped. It's quite obvious that Sagramore agrees with Lan Wangji's assessment of the whole situation but she does also agree with him that Lan Wangji's wisdom and judgment is why Nina approached him in the first place. And yet...

He busies himself with the pancakes to give her some space. He's been pushing her fairly hard; she deserves some breathing room.

"How are you feeling after ...what you just learned?" She asks, after a long moment of silence spent sipping at her hot chocolate. "And what I told you."

"It's--" A little huff of a laugh, as he flips a pancake. "It's a lot to absorb. But I'm relieved, I think. Relieved that when he comes back he'll be able to be himself."

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