[closed post: a task]

[ravkanwitch]

Nina has been feeling more like herself recently. It's taken a few weeks of self care, a failed waffle experiment, many naps with Khitka, a history lesson from Kade, quality time with friends, and a few mildly distressing conversations with alternate versions of people that she knows – but she's okay. She'll be much better once Shen Yuan is back of course, but for now, she'll do what she does best and weather the storm.

There are few things she's considering in her mind but right now, she's flipping through some language books with Khitka curled around the back of her neck, dozing.

Comments

[ravkanwitch]

"I'm not close with Claudius," Nina says, in a considering tone. They've danced together once, spoken a few times -- but other than that, she feels as though she knows Galahad much better. "But I trust Claudius. Does that make sense?"

[lightbearinglord]

It is easy enough for Lan Wangji to soften again, almost imperceptibly, thinking of Claudius. "Mn. He is clever and kind. I trust him, too."

[ravkanwitch]

"Hanguang-jun, I..." She starts, with a soft wince. "I know that was a bad argument. But I also know you only have the best of intentions."

[lightbearinglord]

Still slightly uncertain, Lan Wangji does, at last, take a few more steps into the room, closer to Nina. His hands remain clasped at the small of his back. "The same is true of you."

[ravkanwitch]

Khitka hops off of Nina's shoulder and scampers up to Lan Wangji's feet, giving him a tentative sniff to see if he's holding any food. Nina laughs, though it's tinged with sadness. She's thinking of Matthias and all the times she's bickered with the other Crows, threatening to turn Jesper's teeth inside out. "Arguing is one of my friendship languages, I think. It shows that you have strong emotions and... that's good."

[lightbearinglord]

Abruptly grateful for Khitka's presence, Lan Wangji kneels, bringing himself closer to her and closer to Nina's level without joining her on the couch. He is not quite willing to be that near her yet, unsure of his welcome. "I have only vegetables," he tells Khitka, solemnly apologetic, before looking back up, to Nina. After a quiet beat, he says, "I am not as cold as I appear."

[ravkanwitch]

Khitka narrows her eyes at him and gives him a little huff, seeming to understand him -- or maybe she's sussed out the situation and didn't smell anything tasty on him.

Nina also looks at him for a moment. "I know. The way you talk about your husband... the subtle change in your eyes... You can't be cold."

[lightbearinglord]

"No," he says, more quietly. He stays where he is, kneeling with Khitka examining him and finding him wanting, his hands on his thighs. He doesn't think he can explain himself entirely to Nina. It was difficult to do so even to Claudius, even with a truth compulsion drawing the words from him without his consent.

[ravkanwitch]

"Well," in a considering tone, "sometimes it's possible to feel so deeply that it's tough to communicate it. We can't all be impulsive and loud." She gives him a small smile to indicate that she's talking about herself, of course. 

[lightbearinglord]

This is not a smile, but a second softening is apparent somewhere around his eyes. "I often like those who are impulsive and loud."

[ravkanwitch]

"And misunderstood," she adds with a little smile; they've talked about it before.

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn." To make up for his failure to provide palatable food for a ferret, he strokes Khitka's cheek very lightly with the backs of two fingers, hoping that the way he touches the rabbits is acceptable for her, too. "I do feel things strongly. Most cannot tell."

[ravkanwitch]

Khitka turns and bites one of his fingers -- very gently, the little pinpricks of her teeth just barely pressing down. If he pulls his hand away, she will scold him. If he stays still, she will also stay that way, meeting his eyes with a baleful look.

"Sorry, she's also impulsive... and loud," Nina apologizes, making kissing noises to encourage Khitka to return (which, of course, Khitka does not listen to) before growing serious. "I can tell. I can't read your expressions yet but I can tell there's a lot going on underneath the surface."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji, one finger caught lightly between Khitka's teeth, looks at the ferret with surprise and nearly invisible delight. He stays there; he is not afraid, and he can appreciate an expression of the sudden urge to sink one's teeth into something.

It's a moment before he looks to Nina again. "Mn." Another small hesitation. "I presumed you would not speak with me again."

[ravkanwitch]

"You thought I--" Nina stares at him, slightly wide-eyed and stunned. Khitka lets go of Lan Wangji's finger to look up at her with a questioning squeak. "I... once told one of my closest friends that I was going to turn his teeth inside out. Twenty minutes later, we were sharing a plate of waffles. I know I was angry, but it takes a lot more than that to lose my friendship."

[lightbearinglord]

Nina's expression of frank bafflement turns Lan Wangji nearly sheepish, not that it is remotely easy to discern that from his blank face. He pulls his hand back from Khitka now that she's released him. "I am not so quick to forgive."

[ravkanwitch]

"I had to learn how to be in order to feel halfway comfortable here," she says softly. What's an argument between friends -- albeit an intense one -- when she's personally seen Aleksander's handiwork and had to contend with that knowledge? She's mostly forgiven him, she thinks. Or at least, has been able to reconcile his past, present, and alternate future selves.

[lightbearinglord]

It might be easier, in some ways, if Lan Wangji could forgive like that. If he could pass Luo Binghe in the hall and feel fear but not anger, if he could think of Jiang Wanyin without protective rage as sharp and sudden as the crack of a whip, if he could remember his father with idle disinterest rather than nearly forty years of festering disappointment. He is not made that way, but he is grateful to be the beneficiary of Nina's forgiveness. "For my own sake, I'm glad."

[ravkanwitch]

For that, Nina gives him a brilliantly genuine smile. "What? You want to keep talking to little old me?" Her tone is teasing, gentle.

[lightbearinglord]

"If you will allow it." His own voice is perfectly serious, the kind of unimpeachable solemnity that means he is teasing in return.

[ravkanwitch]

"Hmm," she puts a finger to her chin and taps, considering it for a moment. "I might just do that." They're not out of the woods yet; there's still a lot that they could discuss -- but this feels nice, to have a moment of levity in the middle.

[lightbearinglord]

"Thank you," Lan Wangji says. He remains serious, and although this isn't an effort to disrupt the surprisingly light mood of this moment they're sharing, it is a sincere sentiment, too. He could have withstood losing Nina's regard, and he was prepared to, but he would have regretted it.

[ravkanwitch]

"How does everyone else seem to be coping?" She asks him, slightly more serious. She's checked in with her people -- but they have different people. Even though the threat is now known, it's still hanging over their heads.

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji considers the question, and his people along with it, still kneeling on the floor before her. "It is better to know that a person did this, not the house," he says. "We have a target and we will have a plan, in time." He lets himself soften with some subdued fondness. "I believe Claudius is enjoying the game, despite the circumstances."

[ravkanwitch]

"I've decided to stay out of it the best that I can," she tells him firmly. "Now that I know there's a way back for Shen Yuan... That's what I needed to know. I'm not someone who can play mindgames, not like Claudius and Kaz can."